CHILL BRO CHILL š
- ricrotaract
- Jan 21, 2021
- 13 min read
Updated: Feb 8, 2021
By: Rtr. Kaliq Nizamdeen, 2nd Year, LLB.
āKasun, we need to talk.ā This was the first thing Kasun saw as he checked his phone as soon as he woke up. It was from his girlfriend Thiliniā¦It had been a rough month; December is usually supposed to be a joyous celebratory month and being just two days away from Christmas the general norm is to be happy and enjoy the festive season and for the past 19 years of his life, Kasun had done just that.
This year however was rather different. The month begun with the tragic death of his Grandfather who had been in a coma for the past two weeks. A few days later he received his Advanced level examination results and to his disappointment he had failed two of his subjects and had barely passed the third. He was distraught and ashamed to tell his parents as he was embarrassed and afraid of how they would react. It has been two weeks and he is yet to mention it to them. For the past two weeks his mind had been racing with millions of thoughts trying to figure out the perfect scenario to inform them of his failure and this affected his sleep at night and was detrimental to his mental health. He was simply hanging on by a thread.
He reluctantly called Thilini to check up on her. Her results were the complete opposite to Kasunās. She had received the 3rd best results in the country and could have her pick of almost any university around the world yet she had repeatedly assured him that her plan was to stay in Sri Lanka and continue her education here. They had been together for two years and she was the only reason Kasun enjoyed some sort of happiness in his āmiserableā life. Therefore, when he heard what she had to say, he was devastated and felt completely blindsided. She had been awarded a scholarship by the University of Sydney and had immediately accepted it. She had said yes two weeks ago and was set to depart in a weeksā time and was wondering how she would tell Kasun. Kasun was speechless, he did not say anything, he couldnāt. He simply dropped his phone on the floor as the glass shattered around him.
He sat on his bed contemplating what had just happened and reflecting on his life. It was unimaginable āthat the person who was once his backbone was now the reason that he was feeling pain in his cardiac tissues.ā As far as he knew, his life was over. The universe was not fair to him and had dealt him a severe blow which he believed he could not recover from. He sighed and slowly walked out of his room. It was a quarter past eleven and his parents had left to work so he had the house to himself. He felt hopeless and alone, a disappointment and a burden. Without thinking he grabbed his bike and cycled, he cycled for an hour without stopping. He knew where he was going and when he reached his destination, he felt a sense of anxiety coupled with relief.
He had cycled to the top of a cliff which was profoundly known for its breath-taking view of the sunrise and the view of the entire city. It was an attraction which many flocks towards during the early hours of the morning or the latter part of the day to lie underneath the stars. At noon however, with the immense heat of the Sun, there was no one around. He gradually walked towards the edge and stared up to the heavens contemplating and questioning why his life was āmiserableā and with tears in his eyes screaming out that he is nothing but āa waste of space.ā He then looked down and saw nothing but wilderness. The city was on the far right of the cliff but straight down was nothing but forest. A jump would surely kill on impact he thought, and no one would be able to find the body as it would be covered by the shrubs and trees. He took a deep breath, he had no regrets, and nothing left to live for, it was the only decision he felt that he could take. As he was about to jump, he scoped his surroundings once more in order to ensure that he was alone. Just then he saw towards the left of where he was about to jump a couple of small mud houses which had escaped his vision as they had been covered by the greenery. He looked closer and saw four children playing a game of tag close to their homes.
āLook at those below you and you shall be grateful.ā Said an old man who was slowly climbing up the cliff and Kasun turned back to look at him. āThey have nothing but at the same time they are happy so doesnāt that mean they have everything?ā He walked up to Kasun and gestured for him to sit down and he continued; āWhat many of us need to do is to start investing in our lives and do what makes us happy, that is what wealth is.ā Kasun shook his head and proceeded to tell the old man his story and of the troubles he was facing. It felt good to have someone to speak to, someone who would listen and not judge him. āThis world is a test and everyone we meet is a test as well,ā he continued. āIf your heart is troubled, then it simply means that you are a human being. āFor that is the state of our hearts and souls, sometimes light yet sometimes heavy, lit or dim, aware and unaware alive and not so aliveā.ā āEveryone goes through hardship, phases in their life where they feel the lowest of the low subsequently, call it luck, fate or a plan from high above those problems eventually fade away and are replaced by jovial moments to savour. All that the Lord, the universe, yourself requires is to see out the storm until it passes.
Imagine yourself being stuck at a red light, the road ahead is free, not a car in sight and your foot is on the accelerator. You cannot proceed until the light turns green and unfortunately the light is taking quite some time to transition from red to green. You can choose to ignore the light and break through but at the end of the road there stands a policeman waiting to catch you. This policeman represents your problems. If you are impatient and try to cheat your way through, if you are ungrateful for all that you have and if you try to speed through whilst ignoring the calamities that have befallen you, the drive will be enjoyable at the start but eventually you will fall into trouble.ā
The old man took a sip of water and then continued. Let me remind you a beautiful quote by the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him) ā āWhoever among you wakes up in the morning secure in his dwelling, healthy in his body, and he has his food for the day, then it is as if the whole world has been given to him.ā In its essence my son, what this says is that if you have a roof over your head, food on the table and a loving family at homeā¦ you have everything that you need. Let me ask you, do you have all these things? The young boy managed a shy smile, as a tear poured down his cheek and whispered āyes.ā Then why would you want to give it all away, the old man asked in a calm manner. We are all travellerās journeying through the unknown and as J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, āNot all those who wander are lost.ā It is alright to not know where you are headed, and it is important to be grateful for all that you have been given. He took out a photograph from the back pocket of his trouser and handed it to Kasun. It was a picture of the man next to a lady and three little children. It seemed to have been taken around 20 years ago. The man continued, that is my family. I Lost all 4 of them in the war. They were in the bus when the explosion went off. I stepped out for a brief second to purchase a ājumbo jollyā from the ice cream vendor as my daughter kept insisting for one. That was the only reason I survived. Not a single soul inside the bus that day survived. I have lived with this pain for 20 years son. I have been in the same position you have been countless times. But if I were to ask you out of the 2 of us who has had the bigger problem, what would your answer be? Kasun knew he didnāt have to answer that. The man continued, I thought to myself for a long time how unfortunate I was.
I then reminded myself of this quote. I was 37 at the time. All my life I had a roof over my head, food on the table and a family at home. I may have lost one, but I still had the other two. There are millions with so much less. Count your blessings son, think of those who donāt know where their next meal is coming from, those who canāt escape the heavy rains as they live on the street, those who have no one to welcome them home after a hard day of work and think my son of those living in the lands of the oppressed, the war-torn regions where the children have grown up to the sounds of bombs instead of the sounds of birds. Imagine those without eyes who would pay millions for a few seconds of sight, those with no limbs who cannot move about freely. You are more blessed than you would ever know my son. Not to sound offensive but if you were to tell them of your problems, they would laugh and kindly ask you to swap lives with them. We are blessed and more fortunate than we could ever imagine. "Look to those below you and not to those above, as it is more suitable to remember the blessings of God granted to you." ā Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
They had been talking for hours and yet it felt like only a few minutes had passed by. The picturesque sunset view captured Kasunās eye. The beautiful colours of the Sky, the calming breeze and the birds chirping away playing without a care in the world. The old man stood up and said, āSon you are still young. And in this day and age youthfulness is a destructive thing. You have everything at the palm of your hand, and yet many of you will choose to let it go. The reason for this is you have been programmed to please the people. The actions you do sometimes are done with the intentions of gaining the praise and admiration of your peers. The social media apps you use have got you comparing each otherās lives and competing in achievements. They have you feeling completely worthless and inadequate as you stare into the life of someone you will never know or worse at times it is with envy you stare at the life of one you know. It is natural to want what they have, but remember my son, you have enough for now.
Remember my dear son, the world revolves around you, therefore go at your own pace. Donāt let the success of others make you feel inadequate in this beautiful world. In the end, what is success? Is it being popular? Being rich? Or being content and having peace of mind? To each his own isnāt it dear? Let this beautiful sunset remind you of how small you are in this vast world. How insignificant your problems are and how beautiful life is worth living.
Contentment is important, look at those children playing again. They possess nothing and yet a smile like that canāt be found anywhere else. Be happy with what you have. The storm will pass, and you will eventually be on the right tack again. Live your life without intentionally causing harm to others, help the less fortunate in any way you can and the Lord above or the universe will reward you for it. Life is more than an Instagram picture which captures our 2 second smile which grabs multiple likes, its more than that.
He extended his hand to the young boy and pulled him up. The young boy hugged him tight and started to cry. The young boy cycled back home at a slow pace. He was welcomed home by his parents and again he began to cry. He was served his favourite meal and again he began to cry. He could not believe how ignorant and ungrateful he was. He realized there was more to life than what everyone else was doing, achieving, enjoying, and posting. For the next ten years he found a job and was doing quite well for himself, he was walking back home from work one day when he saw a group of little boys on the street. They were playing a game of football, and he watched them for some time. The light began to fade and the boys were too exhausted to continue and began to disperse to their homes. He then went over to one boy and said, ācome on son, time to go home.ā
The road was clear now, there were still a few speedbumps along the way but for the most part his foot was on the accelerator. The red light was left far behind and the policeman was nowhere in sight. For now, all was good in the world, but Kasun knew that sooner or later he would approach another red light, but this time he knew how to handle it. With patience and contentment, one can walk through the jaws of death and come out to tell the tale.
Look at those below you so that you remind yourself how fortunate you are, and as you do so remember to help them in whichever way you can. And those above you, flaunting themselves to the world, remember to pray for them to attain peace of mind, for God knows they need it the most.
Raising awareness on suicide
The statistics for the number of cases of suicide, self-harm, and frequencies of other mental health problems are undeniably high, especially in Sri Lanka, which ranks at 31st for the most number of suicide deaths in the world. Sri Lanka also has the second highest suicide rate in South-East Asia. Yet, the stigma surrounding mental health and reaching for help are still present. It is essential that we raise awareness on suicide to protect ourselves and loved ones.
Almost every time we scroll through social media, we stumble upon posts on topics related to coping with depression and preventing suicide. Such post may sometimes annoy us, and we might choose to scroll pass them and overlook the message it exhibits. When we havenāt gone through the pain of losing a loved one to suicide, we may tend to ignore displays of raising awareness, since we are unable to relate to it. However, it is our responsibility to read, understand and take in the message given by them, to ensure no one we love will ever have to go through it.
Individuals with the capacity should work to raise awareness on mental health and its impact. Rural areas should be made a key focus area in this case as many people do not have access to social media or the internet and are more likely to be uninformed. Areas where children from a young age are compelled to join gangs and find their way to take drugs and engage in petty crimes. Due to a lack of the awareness even among adults in such areas, many youths fall victim to bad company, engage in self-detrimental behaviour, harm their own mental wellbeing and eventually the same people may choose to prematurely take their own lives. This could also be because some people would already have been going through severe physical or psychological abuse in their homes from a very young age and have never had anyone to help them. Most of the time they might be afraid or ashamed to speak up as they fear society will look down on them. and resultingly turn to drugs and gangs. Sometimes people we consider to be perpetrators may in fact be the victims. Hence, we need to make an effort to reach out to the youth in these areas and educate them on the devastating impact of consuming drugs and engaging in petty crime. At a national level, the marginalisation of rural communities must be urgently dealt with if we are to make long-term progress with this issue.
Another key improvement to be touched upon is raising awareness at schools across all parts of the country. In 2019, as part of the national drug prevention week, government officials visited schools to conduct programs on preventing drug use among school-goers. The intention was to raise awareness on the physical and mental defects that would arise from the use of drugs. Similarly, programs should be conducted annually country-wide to raise awareness on mental health and its importance. Help centres for abuse victims should be made omnipresent.
Parents must be advised to be patient with their children, especially teenagers and provide emotional support when necessary. Encouraging children to speak up on issues they face is a good way to ensure the emotional wellbeing of children. A high frequency of cases are reported where adolescents cope with even minor issues in a harmful and self-destructive manner. Hence, parents should be able to effectively manage such situations and avoid taking even slight issues their children face lightly, as teenagers tend to act impulsively.
Another key concern we face today is that people have become too liberal with words like ādepressionā or āsadā. Some people may even use the two phrases interchangeably. Teenagers tend to feel that they have critical issues when they may be feeling gloomy due to hormonal changes. Similarly, conditions such as clinical depression can be misinterpreted as someone simply feeling down, which can be highly detrimental to the individual in concern. Which is why in either case it is important to contact a professional or at least reach out to a friend or family member first, to let them know how youāre feeling. Some teenagers tend to mistakenly self-diagnose themselves as having depression. Consequently, this may lead to a worse case of self-stigmatisation, and they may end up acting self-destructively. At the same time, the impact of depression must not be underestimated. Clinical depression is an illness and should be treated as one. āGetting over itā may not be an option for a victim of it. Hence, it is a crucial responsibility of friends and family members to ensure that a person going through depression gets the necessary treatment.
Another key issue that follows being diagnosed with depression is patients being aversive to medication. Due factors such as negative side effects or denial of having the illness altogether, individuals may portray self-detrimental behaviour and could lead to a tendency to commit suicide. Which is why it is the responsibility of close friends and family members to ensure that the patient takes their due treatment on time. It is key that the person understands that medication in fact helps. Being aware about the number of people that have recovered can be a driving force and motivation to begin and continue treatment. Ultimately, it should be kept in mind that even the worst days come to an end, and that depression does not last forever.
Suicide is a never-ending pandemic. According to the WHO nearly 800,000 people die each year worldwide due to suicide and it is said that for every suicide death that 20 more people attempt it. The Key thing to note is that suicide is 100% preventable. Being informed is the greatest contribution an individual could make as it would help us remove the stigma surrounding suicide and mental health. It is our responsibility to protect our friends and family from it.
Many people do not know where to go when reaching out for support during a crisis. If you or a loved one are ever in need of help, please call any of the numbers below for assistance,
National institute of Mental Health: 1926
CCC foundation: 1333
Sri Lanka Sumithrayo: 011 2862 535
Sumithrayo: 011 269 6666
Sri Lanka National institute of Professional Counsellors: 0718699225 or 0772680930
References:
By: Rtr. Rahel Kirinde, BSc. Economics and Management, 3rd Year
Rtr. Fathima Salihah, LLB, 1st Year
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